Theological differences
Here's the condensed version.
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I was walking across a bridge recently. I spied this guy who looked like he was ready to jump. So, I thought I'd try to stall him until the authorities showed up.
"Don't jump!" I said.
"Why not?" he said. "Nobody loves me."
"God loves you," I said. "You believe in God, don't you?"
"Yes, I believe in God," he said.
"Good," I said. "Are you Christian or Jewish?"
"Christian," he said.
"Me, too!" I said. "Protestant or Catholic?"
"Protestant," he said.
"Me, too!" I said. "What kind of Protestant?"
"Baptist," he said.
"Me, too!" I said. "Independent Baptist or Southern Baptist?"
"Independent Baptist," he said.
"Me, too!" I said. "New Evangelical/Moderate Baptist OR Conservative Independent Baptist?"
"Conservative Independent Baptist," he said.
"Me, too!" I said. "Calvinistic Elect OR Lose-Your-Salvation Armenian?"
"Calvinistic Elect" he said.
"Me, too!" I said. "Dispensational Premillennial OR Historical Premillennial?"
"Dispensational Premillennial" he said.
"Me, too!" I said. "Against Women Pastors OR For Women Pastors?"
"Against Women Pastors," he said.
"Me, too!" I said. "Unashamed Fundamentalist OR Strict Separation of Church and State?"
"Unashamed Fundamentalist," he said.
"Me, too!" I said. "Pro-Disney Boycott OR Anti-Disney Boycott?"
"Pro-Disney Boycott," he said.
"Me, too!" I said. "King James Version of the Bible Only OR Modern Versions?"
"MODERN VERSIONS," he said.
"Auugghh!!! You heretic!" I said. And I pushed him over.
